[EVIL LAUGHTER] [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
>> [SPEAKING JAPANESE]
>> HONEY?
HAVE YOU FINISHED WITH THE BATHROOM YET?
THE POSTMASTER'S GOTTA DELIVER A PACKAGE, AND THE PACKAGE CAN'T
WAIT.
>> ♪ SORRY EXTRAORDINARY BEAUTY TAKES
EXTRAORDINARY TIME.
>> OH.
HA HA HA HA.
EXTRAORDINARY BEAUTY.
BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU COMING OUT OR WHAT?
>> HUH?
WHAT'S THAT, DEAR?
>> AAH!
[SCREAMING] >> AH, MEN.
THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD US LADIES WORK TO LOOK
BEAUTIFUL.
>> MOM!
I NEED YOU!
EVERY TIME I TAKE A BITE OF THIS VITAMIN-ENRICHED BREAD, IT KEEPS
GETTING SMALLER!
PRETTY SOON, IT WILL BE GONE.
THEN WHAT'LL I DO?
[CRYING] [CRYING]
>> AH, KIDS.
THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF EATING.
HA HA HA.
WHAT'S THIS?
[CROWING] CROW'S FEET?
[SCREAMING] [SCREAMING]
>> AISLE 7.
>> THANK YOU.
[SCREAMING] NOW YOU SAY GOOD-BYE TO THOSE
NASTY CROW'S FEET WITH NEW SAY GOOD-BYE TO THOSE NASTY CROW'S
FEET FACE FOAM.
SIMPLY SQUIRT... AND WAIT 13 SECONDS.
AND REMOVE.
[GASPING] [CROWING]
THEY'RE STILL THERE!
[KNOCKING] >> GLADYS!
>> WHAT?
>> YOU HEAR ME KNOCKING.
CAN I PLEASE COME IN?
>> GO AWAY, REAPER.
>> OH, COME ON!
I ONLY GOT TO GO THE BATHROOM ONCE A YEAR, AND I GOTTA GO
SUPER BAD.
>> I'M NOT COMING OUT TILL THESE CROW'S FEET ARE OFF MY FACE!
>> CROW'S FEET?
FINE.
I GUESS I COULD SHAVE A FEW YEARS OFF THE TOP.
GREAT SYSTEMS OF THE UNDERWORLD!
SOMEONE OPEN A WINDOW!
WELL, COME ON OUT, MAN.
A DEAL'S A DEAL.
YOUR CROW'S FEET SHOULD BE GONE.
NOW I GET THE BATHROOM.
>> IT'S ALL YOURS, REAPER.
WOW!
THAT FOAM WORKED AFTER ALL!
IT JUST NEEDED 22 SECONDS, NOT 13.
WELL, I BETTER GO CHECK ON BILLY AND THAT BREAD.
[HUMMING] >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW ME OWN.
STRENGTH.
AND NOW FOR THAT BATHROOM.
[SCREAMING] >> UGH!
>> SORRY, FAT MAN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE.
>> I'll DO IT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, MANDY.
EVERY TIME I TAKE A BITE, IT KEEPS GETTING SMALLER!
SEE?
I'VE LOST IT.
>> YES, BILLY, YOU REALLY HAVE.
>> GOSH, I WISH A WHITE BREAD FAIRY ELF GNOME WOULD.
CONVENIENTLY APPEAR TO HELP ME THROUGH THESE OH SO TROUBLED
TIMES.
>> ♪ OH, BILLY I'VE GOT SOME BREAD FOR YOU ♪
>> WOW!
THANKS BREAD FAIRY ELF GNOME!
SEE, MANDY, BELIEVE AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!
>> THAT'S NOT A BREAD FAIRY, BILLY.
IN FACT, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS.
[GIGGLES] >> YOU MEAN...
>> UH-HUH.
>> BREAD FAIRY ELF GNOME, INDEED!
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FILTHY STRANGER, AND MY MOMMY SAYS TO
NEVER ACCEPT WHITE BREAD FROM FILTHY STRANGERS.
>> YOUR MOMMY?
BUT BILLY, I AM YOUR... MOMMY.
>> MY MOM'S ANCIENT AND GRAPPLING WITH THE ONSET OF.
MENOPAUSE.
>> GO TO YOUR ROOM!
>> HA HA!
YOU'RE FUN!
A LITTLE ODD, BUT FUN.
I'll NAME YOU... CORN...
AFTER THE FRESH BREAD YOU GAVE ME.
>> CORN?
NOW, BILLY, I DON'T THINK THAT THAT'S AN ACTUAL...
>> YEAH, SURE.
I WAS GONNA NAME YOUR GINGER OR PUMPKIN, BUT I FEEL YOU'RE MORE
OF A CORN.
>> WELL, CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER WHO'S.
BOSS.
NOW, GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> SIT, BILLY.
>> SITTING.
>> THERE'S ONLY ONE BOSS AROUND HERE, AND THAT'S ME.
>> OH, MANDY.
YOU'RE SUCH A LEG PULLER.
HE'S MY BABY.
>> HEY, BILLY, YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES, YO?
>> YOU TALK?
>> OF COURSE I TALK, YO.
NOW, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES OR WHAT?
>> YOU DO TALK!
A MOVIE IT IS.
>> SORRY, IRWIN.
BILLY HAS HOMEWORK TO DO.
>> OH, I HATE HOMEWORK, YO.
>> ME, TOO, MR. BREAD.
>> SCRATCH THAT, IRWIN.
BILLY WOULD BE GLAD TO JOIN YOU... AND I'M GOING WITH HIM.
[GROWLING] >> WHERE HE GOES, I GO.
>> DITTO.
OK, LISTEN UP, DORKS.
THERE ARE TWO MOVIES PLAYING, AND WE WILL SEE THIS ONE.
>> "EXPLODING PENGUINS III: TOTAL ANNIHILATION?"
>> WOW, AN ACTION-PACKED DRAMEDY ABOUT HOW PENGUINS.
EXPLODE!
SOLID.
>> WELL, IF BREAD'S ON IT, THEN I AM, TOO.
WHAT SAY YOU, CORN?
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
BILLY CAN'T SEE THAT KIND OF MOVIE, WHAT WITH ITS GRATUITOUS
VIOLENCE, SUGGESTIVE ROMANCE, AND FILTHY ROLE MODELS.
>> WELL I SAY HE CAN SEE IT...
AND HE WILL.
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
[GROWLING] NO!
HE'LL SEE "SUNSHINE BOY CLIMBS THE TALLEST PEAK."
AN INSTANT CLASSIC.
JUST ADD PEOPLE.
HA HA HA HA HA.
>> "EXPLODING PENGUINS."
>> ALL RIGHT.
IT'S SHOWTIME.
>> HEY, GRIM, YOU ALMOST DONE IN THERE?
>> NOT YET, HAROLD.
AH, MORTALS.
THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD US REAPERS WORK TO LOOK
BEAUTIFUL.
>> WELL, THEN, I'll JUST WAIT HERE AND WHISTLE... A TUNE.
TO PASS THE TIME.
[NO SOUND] I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE.
INSTEAD, I'll WATCH THE MIRACLE OF LIFE REVEAL ITSELF THROUGH.
THIS TINY, INSIGNIFICANT FLY.
[BUZZING] >> AND NOW, FROM THE DIRECTORS.
WHO BROUGHT YOU "EXPLODING PENGUINS" AND "EXPLODING
PENGUINS 2," THE SEQUEL, WE PROUDLY PRESENT "EXPLODING
PENGUINS III: TOTAL ANNIHILATION."
[BOOM] [LAUGHING]
[EXPLOSIONS, LAUGHTER] >> BOY, I SURE WISH CORN COULD.
BE HERE, YO.
>> I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL, MI COMPADRE.
[EXPLOSIONS, LAUGHTER] >> HE'S MY BABY!
[EXPLOSIONS, LAUGHTER] COME ON, BILLY.
SUNSHINE BOY IS JUST STARTING UP THE MOUNTAIN.
YOU KNOW HE GETS THERE, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.
>> HOW WILL I GET THERE?
>> UH, CORN, I... >> NOT NOW, BILLY.
HE'S ALMOST THERE.
>> I'M ALMOST THERE.
>> BUT CORN, I... >> SHH.
HE JUST MET AN ALPACA.
>> I JUST MET AN ALPACA.
[FARTING] >> THAT'S NICE.
>> LOOK, BILLY, HE MADE IT TO THE TOP!
>> I MADE IT TO THE TOP!
>> BILLY?
[GASPING, GROWLING] [GIGGLING]
I'VE GOT AN IDEA, MANDY.
WHY NOT LET BILLY DECIDE WHO HE WANTS TO BE DOMINATED BY.
>> ALL RIGHT, BILLY.
WHO'S IT GONNA BE?
>> IT'S ME... IT'S ME.
[MUMBLING UNDER HER BREATH] [NONSENSE]
>> I DON'T MAKE ANY LIFE-ALTERING DECISIONS WITHOUT.
CONSULTING MR. BREAD FIRST.
>> I SURE GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM, YO.
>> SORRY, GUYS.
WHEN BREAD'S GOTS TO GO, HE'S GOTS TO GO.
[LAUGHING] [BUZZING]
[SIZZLING] [COUGHING]
>> SAY, GRIM LEFT HIS MAGIC STICK THINGY.
HELLO, FRIENDS.
TIRED OF LIVING?
THOSE SUNDAY BRUNCHES GOT YOU DOWN?
WELL, I CAN RELIEVE ALL THAT AILS YOU WITH THIS MAGIC STICK
THINGY.
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE MISSING LIMBS, HAIR LOSS, AND NOT LIVING
ANYMORE.
[LAUGHING] [LAUGHING]
>> WHAT'S ALL THE RACKET?
WHY DON'T YOU FIND ANOTHER BATHROOM DOOR TO ANNOY?
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH!
>> SIT TIGHT, LADIES.
I THINK HE'S DROPPING A DEUCE.
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
NOW THERE'S A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
SAY, YOU WAITING FOR THE BATHROOM, TOO?
>> YEAH.
>> WOW!
WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!
WANT TO GET MARRIED?
>> SURE!
>> SO DO I.
[LAUGHING] >> OH, GAG.
GET A PLAYPEN.
>> ALL DONE.
NOW, WHERE WAS WE, AND WHO'S THAT BOZO WITH MY CORN?
>> CORN?
SO THAT'S YOUR NAME.
>> WELL, UM... I CAN EXPLAIN THAT.
>> NO, NO, NO, UH, UH, UH.
I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
COME ON.
LET'S GO NOT TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.
>> WELL, I GUESS THAT LEAVES YOU AND ME, MANDY.
>> ACTUALLY, NOW THAT CORN'S OUT OF THE PICTURE, IT JUST LEAVES.
YOU, BILLY.
SEE YOU LATER.
>> WELL, AT LEAST I STILL GOTS MY BREAD.
>> ACTUALLY, I GOTTA GO TOO, BILLY.
SEE YOU.
>> NO!
BUT... I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING REAL SPECIAL.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
MOM!
I NEEDS MORE BREAD!
[LAUGHING]
CAPTAIN FAT-HEAD, ARE YOU IN THERE?
>> I GUESS THAT 8-HOUR SEMINAR ON HOW NOT TO TOUCH ME DIDN'T.
QUITE WORK.
>> BUT I AM LOOKING FOR MY CAPTAIN FAT-HEAD.
>> YOUR DAD'S IN THE GARAGE.
>> NO, MANDY.
I'M LOOKING FOR MY ACTION FIGURE CAPTAIN FAT-HEAD.
HE MAKES ME SMILE WHEN WE HUG.
>> YEAH... YOUR DAD.
>> NO!
HE'S MY FRIEND THAT I TELL SECRETS TO, AND IF I DON'T FIND
HIM, I'M NOT SURE WHAT I'll DO ABOUT ALL THIS BOTTLED-UP RAGE!
I JUST CAN'T STAND LOSING HIM, AND MY MAYONNAISE JAR, AND MY
PANTS ALL IN ONE WEEK.
>> YOU LOST YOUR PANTS?
>> WELL... JUST THE BACK, BUT IT'S NOT SO BAD.
BREEZY.
>> I JUST LOST MY ABILITY TO SEE.
I CAN STILL FEEL YOUR BUTT LOOKING AT ME.
>> HI-YAH!
[GIBBERISH] EYE OF THE TIGER!
HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN ME SCYTHE?
ME LOST IT.
>> YOU LOST YOUR SCYTHE?
>> YEAH, ALONG WITH ME SELF-RESPECT.
BUT WHEN I FIND EITHER ONE, THOSE LITTLE KIDS IN KUNG FU
CLASS ARE GONNA SEE WHO THE REAL MASTER OF THE DOJO IS...
ESPECIALLY AMY COOPER.
>> THERE SEEMS TO BE A PATTERN OF MISSING OBJECTS.
GRIM'S SCYTHE, BILLY'S ACTION FIGURE, PANTS, MAYONNAISE.
>> THIS PILLOW STUFFING TASTES LIKE I'M CHOKING.
[COUGHING] >> AND COME TO THINK OF IT, MY.
"NANCY DROOL" NOVELS.
I WONDER WHO OR WHAT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR MISSING
OBJECTS?
>> I BETCHA IT'S AMY COOPER.
SHE'S JUST JEALOUS AND ALWAYS MAKING FUN OF ME, BUT TONIGHT IN
KUNG FU CLASS, I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!
>> YOU'RE IN A CHILD'S KUNG FU CLASS?
>> SILENCE, NON-BELIEVER!
>> LET'S FOCUS AND TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR LOST.
ITEMS.
>> GATHER 'ROUND, YOU FILTHY BRATS.
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT SOMETHING SUPERNATURAL IS BEHIND OUR
MISSING ITEMS, SO I INVENTED THIS TO HELP US.
IT'S A SUPERNATURAL SPECTER DETECTOR WITH KUNG FU GRIP.
>> HOW DOES IT WORK?
>> GLAD YOU ASKED, MANDY-TANDY.
HIS NAME IS HECTOR, THE SPECTER DETECTOR.
HE WORKS LIKE A METAL DETECTOR EXCEPT INSTEAD OF METAL, IT
DETECTS SUPERNATURAL POWERS.
NOTHING.
NOTHING!
I'M WATCHING YOU, MAN.
>> BARK, TAKE, BARK, TROUBLE, BARK, BARK.
>> I ALREADY KNOW THERE'S BARK ON THAT TREE.
>> BARK, BARK, BARK!
>> SOME TYPE OF MYSTERY TREE, HUH, BOY?
LITTLE HECTOR FOUND SOMETHING.
>> WOW!
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!
WHAT IS IT?
>> UH... A TREE.
>> HEY, LOOK, I CAN SEE MANDY'S BOOKS, YOUR SCYTHE, AND...
MY CAPTAIN FAT-HEAD!
>> ME SCYTHE'S IN THERE?
DON'T WORRY, JODI.
I'M A-COMING!
>> WOW.
NOT ONLY DID I FIND CAPTAIN FAT-HEAD, BUT I FOUND CARMEN
SANDIEGO AND WALDO.
HEY, IT'S SO SMOOTH IN HERE.
IT'S LIKE THE INSIDE OF MY SKULL.
>> BARK, BARK.
>> WHAT'S THAT, BOY?
I'M TRAPPED IN A TREE?
GO FOR HELP.
>> NOT COOL, MAN.
I THINK IT'S A TAKING TREE.
VERY DANGEROUS.
TAKING TREES KEEP TAKING OBJECTS AND WON'T GIVE ANYTHING UP
UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM SOMETHING BETTER IN EXCHANGE.
>> HELLO.
MY NAME IS ELDRIDGE JOHNSON-MAYER, AND YES, I'M A
TAKING TREE.
>> YOU'RE A TALKING TAKING TREE?
WHY WOULD A TREE BE NAMED ELDRIDGE JOHNSON-MAYER?
>> WELL, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A NOSE?
>> OOH, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THAT ONE.
I'll GO GET THE CHAINSAW.
>> I ALREADY HAVE THAT, MY DEAR.
[WHIRRING] >> OOWW!
>> CRAFTY.
SO, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT IN EXCHANGE FOR OUR FRIEND?
>> I'VE LIVED IN FRONT OF THIS HOUSE FOR MANY YEARS, BUT I'VE.
NEVER FOUND THE ONE OBJECT THAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY.
I STARTED SMALL.
THERE WAS A LITTLE BOY WHO LIVED HERE.
I TOOK HIS TRAINING WHEELS.
[CRASH] BUT THEY DIDN'T MAKE ME HAPPY.
I TOOK HIS HARVARD ACCEPTANCE LETTER.
>> I HOPE I GET MY HARVARD ACCEPTANCE LETTER.
>> BUT NONE OF IT BROUGHT ME JOY.
AND WHAT BRINGS OTHER MEN HAPPINESS?
THEIR CARS, THEIR MONEY, THEIR HAIR?
I TOOK THEM ALL, BUT NOTHING MADE MY LIFE ANY BETTER, SO
FOREVER I AM CONDEMNED TO SEARCH FOR THE ONE ITEM...
[SNORING] UH, HELLO?
HEY!
>> 5 MORE MINUTES.
>> DID YOU HEAR MY STORY?
I SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD YOU WHAT ITEM I WANT.
IT'S A MICKEY MUNCHLE BASEBALL CARD!
>> THAT'S IT?
A BASEBALL CARD?
>> NOT JUST ANY BASEBALL CARD.
IT'S A MICKEY MUNCHLE!
IT'S WORTH 11,756,833 BUCKS, AND HE'S THE ONLY ROOKIE TO HIT 600
HOME RUNS WITHOUT BREAKING A WINDOW.
>> KUNG FU CLASS AND BASEBALL TRIVIA?
>> YOU AND AMY COOPER ARE JUST JEALOUS!
I DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE GONNA GET THAT CARD, SINCE IT'S WORTH
11,756,833 BUCKS AND THE REAPER ONLY CARRIES $50 ON HIS PERSON
AT ANY GIVEN TIME.
>> WELL, I GUESS I'M JUST GONNA KEEP YOUR FRIEND.
>> WELL, IT GUESS THAT'S IT, THEN.
THIS TREE GOT US BY THE BONES.
BILLY'S JUST GONNA HAVE TO STAY IN THERE.
>> GRIM, WHAT ABOUT YOUR SCYTHE AND MY BOOKS?
>> DON'T WORRY, BILLY.
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU OUT OF THERE.
>> BRING BACK PRETZELS!
>> HOWYA DOING, THERE?
>> 'BOUT TIME YOU GOT HERE.
SO... YOU'RE HERE FOR THE WALRUSES, RIGHT?
[GROWLING] >> UH... NO.
>> OH.
>> WE'VE BEEN ALL OVER TOWN LOOKING FOR A MICKEY MUNCHLE.
BASEBALL CARD.
>> BOY, IS THERE EGG ON MY FACE.
YEAH, I HAVE A MICKEY MUNCHLE CARD RIGHT HERE.
>> WE'LL TAKE IT IN EXCHANGE FOR A TRUCKLOAD OF SUPERNATURAL.
WONDERS.
>> UM...
>> AND BY TRUCKLOAD OF SUPERNATURAL WONDERS, I MEAN A.
BUCKET FULL OF CHEWABLE VITAMINS.
>> ONCE I GET MY MAGICAL SCYTHE BACK FROM THE TALKING TREE, I.
CAN GET YOU A WONDER OR TWO.
I SWEAR.
>> LOOK, LITTLE LADY.
I CAN'T SELL YOU THE CARD.
AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE IT'S WORTH $11 MILLION.
IT'S BECAUSE IT'S ALL THAT I HAVE LEFT OF MY BASEBALL CAREER.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
HEY, GRIM.
>> MAYBE I DON'T NEED MY SCYTHE ANYMORE.
WITH YOU, I COULD KNOCK SOULS RIGHT OUT OF THE PARK.
>> GRIM!
I THINK I KNOW HOW TO SOLVE OUR PROBLEM.
WHO DOES HE LOOK LIKE?
>> HE LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN WEARING HUMAN SKIN SO THAT HE.
CAN FOOL US INTO BUYING COLLECTIBLES AND GAMES THAT WILL
IMPLANT TINY TRACKING CHIPS IN OUR FINGERS.
>> NO.
HE'S MICKEY MUNCHLE.
>> OH, I KNOW.
I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU.
I THOUGHT I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING STUPID SINCE BILLY AIN'T HERE.
>> MR. MUNCHLE, ALL WE NEED IS A FEW MOMENTS OF YOUR TIME.
>> WELL, YOU'RE BACK.
DID YOU GET ME THE CARD?
>> DID YOU ONE BETTER, MAN.
MEET MICKEY MUNCHLE HIMSELF.
>> AAH!
>> GOLLY, YOU REALLY ARE A TALKING TREE.
>> OH...
[GIGGLING] HE'S TALKING TO ME.
OH, I FEEL SO EXCITED, I...
[BURPING] >> EEWWW!
[COUGHS] >> EEH!
ME SCYTHE!
DADDY'S GOT YOU, JODI!
SHH.
NOW IT'S TIME TO RECLAIM MY RIGHTFUL PLACE AS KING OF THE
RING!
>> CLOSURE.
IT'S ALL ABOUT CLOSURE.
>> MY PRECIOUS.
PRECIOUS.
NOW YOU'RE HOME.
>> SO, I HEAR YOU'RE A HUGE FAN.
>> WELL... [STUTTERING] [BURPING]
>> CAPTAIN FAT-HEAD!
I'll NEVER LET YOU GO AGAIN.
>> AND THAT'S HOW WE LEARNED OUR LESSON.
>> WHICH WAS...?
>> NEVER TRUST BASEBALL PLAYERS.
>> HEY, IT AIN'T SO BAD IN HERE.
>> I'll MAKE SURE YOU FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING.
YOU DON'T MIND SQUIRRELS, DO YOU?
>> HA, I LOVE SQUIRRELS.
[GROWLING] [SCREAMING]
[TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
[ CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org... ]
>> AAH!
[BUZZING]