- HA HA HA HA HA HA!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
- IT'S YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD.
WE ATTACK AT DAWN.
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
[SLURPING]
- HEY, MANDY.
[SLURP]
FANCY MEETING YOU HERE.
- THIS IS MY LOCKER.
- SO IT IS.
SO IT IS.
ISN'T IT SUBLIME?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- OW!
- [GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]
- EWW! IT LOOKS LIKE I HIT SOME KIND OF BIG, UGLY BUG.
OH, NEVER MIND.
THAT'S JUST MANDY.
- I DIDN'T REALIZE THE ZOO ANIMALS WERE ON PARADE.
- HA HA!
VERY FUNNY, MANDY, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
THAT WAS SARCASM.
ACTUALLY, I'M PRACTICING FOR WHEN I GET CROWNED IN
THIS YEAR'S LITTLE MISS SCURVY PAGEANT.
I'VE GOT THE 3 THINGS YOU NEED TO WIN...
LOOKS, CHARM, TALENT, AND BRAINS.
SEE HOW THE OTHER KIDS BOW BEFORE ME?
- [GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]
- MINDY, BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE RIDICULOUS CONTESTS FOR
RIDICULOUS GIRLS.
- OH, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY.
MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY.
MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY, MANDY.
MANDY.
YOU UGLY PEOPLE ARE SO PREDICTABLE, BUT SINCE YOU
WERE BORN HIDEOUS AND BEAST-LIKE,
IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO JUDGE,
AND STOP UGLYING UP MY FLOAT.
I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS.
- HEY. - AAH!
- I'VE GOT A LEMON FOR A HEAD.
I GUESS THAT MAKES ME CRAZY.
- HELLO, PRINCIPAL GOODVIBES.
- MANDY, I OVERHEARD THE HURTFUL THINGS MINDY SAID TO YOU,
AND I THINK SHE'S GOT A POINT.
YOU HAVE TO LOOK DEEP INSIDE AND REALIZE THAT THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN DECIDE IF YOU'RE TRULY PRETTY...
IS A PANEL OF 3 JUDGES.
HERE'S THE PAGEANT ENTRY FORM.
- FASTER.
FASTER! FASTER!
- I CAN'T GO NO FASTER.
- FASTER!
- YOU CAN CARRY YOUR OWN BOOKS HOME!
WHY DO THEY GOT TO LOAD YOU UP WITH SO MANY BOOKS ANYWAYS?
- ACTUALLY, IT'S JUST ONE BIG BOOK.
- WELL, I THINK I'D BETTER DIVIDE IT INTO CHAPTERS.
WAIT. I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE.
HOLY MOLY!
- IS IT A CANDY NECKLACE?
GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S MINE, MINE, MINE, ALL MINE!
- IT AIN'T NO CANDY NECKLACE, BOY, BUT I'D PREFER THAT
IT HAD BEEN.
WHY YOU HIDING IN THE BUSHES?
- I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU TWO.
DO YOU THINK I'M... PRETTY?
- WELL, I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY SOMETHING.
- YEAH. PRETTY MEAN.
- WHY THIS SUDDEN INTEREST IN YOUR APPEARANCE?
- I WAS THINKING OF ENTERING A... BEAUTY... PAGEANT.
- BEAUTY PAGEANT.
- BEAUTY PAGEANT!
- PAGEANT.
- HOO HOO HOO!
- I THINK SHE'S SERIOUS.
- [GRR]
- IS IT TRUE, MANDY?
ARE YOU... SERIOUS?
WHAT IS IT? - A PAGEANT ENTRY FORM.
OH, SHE'S SERIOUS, MAN.
WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
- WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE MUGLY GANG, AND BY
MUGLY, I MEAN MONSTROUSLY UGLY.
- CINDY!
- MINDY. - MINDY!
- YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING TO ENTER THE LITTLE MISS SCURVY
PAGEANT, ARE YOU, MANDY?
- SCARED OF THE COMPETITION?
- I'M SCARED THAT THE JUDGES WILL MISTAKE YOU FOR A BIG
DOO-DOO MONSTER AND CHASE YOU OUT OF TOWN WITH TORCHES.
- OH, YEAH?
WE'LL SEE WHO CHASES WHOM WITH TORCHES.
- YEAH! MANDY WILL TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!
- BEAT YOUR PANTS OFF. - BEAT YOUR PANTS OFF!
- OH, I'M SO SURE SHE'LL WIN, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
THAT WAS SARCASM.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO GET A RIB REMOVED.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- OH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE DON'T REALLY BELIEVE
YOU CAN WIN.
- YEAH! WE JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT.
WAIT A SECOND!
GRIM, WHY DON'T YOU USE YOUR POWERS TO MAKE MANDY BOOTIFUL?
- DARN IT, BOY!
I'M NOT A MIRACLE WORKER, BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS.
[BEEPING MORSE CODE]
[THUNDER]
- NOW WHAT?
- I SUGGEST WE MOVE.
- MOVE?
- MOVE QUICKLY!
- CHICKEN WING!
[CLUCKING]
[GAGGING]
[FANFARE]
- CRABINA!
YOU LOOK AS FABULOUS AS EVER.
MM. KISS!
- GRIM, DARLING, IF I COULD MOVE ANY PART OF MY FACE,
YOU'D KNOW HOW HAPPY I WAS TO SEE YOU.
- CHILDREN, MEET CRABINA, THE UNDERWORLD'S PREMIER
MAKEOVER ARTIST.
- HMM. WELL, IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU MADE IT SOUND.
OF COURSE, WE'LL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT NOSE.
- NO. UH, THE OTHER ONE.
- OTHER ONE? WHAT OTHER... OH, MY GOODNESS!
UGH! I MISTOOK HER FOR AN ANGRY TREE STUMP.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY NOSE?
- FORGET IT, GRIM.
I DON'T NEED HER HELP.
- TRUST ME.
CRABINA MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME BEFORE.
I LOOKED LIKE A TOTAL NERD.
- MY DEAR, DEAR CHILD, YOUR PROBLEM IS NOT A PHYSICAL ONE.
WHY, WITH ENOUGH SURGERY, ANYONE CAN LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
TRUE BEAUTY... OH, JUST A MOMENT.
[SQUEAKING]
WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES.
TRUE BEAUTY LIES WITHIN.
- IN HER LUNGS?
- IN HER ATTITUDE.
WHAT DOES THIS GIRL'S ATTITUDE SAY TO YOU?
- OOH. IT SAYS BAD THINGS,
THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO REPEAT.
MAKE THE BAD THINGS GO AWAY!
I'll BE GOOD, MOMMY.
I PROMISE!
- EXACTLY.
SHE'S WHAT WE REFER TO AS A SOUR GRAPE.
- YEAH, BUT SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS.
- THEN OUR GOAL IS CLEAR.
IF SHE CANNOT LEARN TO SMILE BY WEEK'S END, SHE HAS NO HOPE
OF WINNING THE PAGEANT.
- WILL MANDY WIN THE PAGEANT?
WILL SHE EVER SMILE?
I DON'T CARE!
INSTEAD, HERE'S AN IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL MESSAGE.
IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL MESSAGE!
- AND SO THROUGHOUT THE WEEK,
THEY TRIED A SERIES OF DUMB GAGS TO MAKE MANDY SMILE.
LET'S WATCH A CLIP.
WATCH A CLIP!
[SQUEAKING]
- ANY REACTION?
- THERE WAS EVEN A WRETCHED MUSICAL NUMBER!
- ♪ HEY, MAN, I JUST WANT TO SAY, MAN ♪
♪ IF YOU'D ONLY SMILE ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ THEN MAYBE YOUR FACE WOULDN'T LOOK SO VILE ♪
- ♪ JUST GIVE IT A TRIAL
- ♪ IT'S ALWAYS IN STYLE
- ♪ THIS SONG'S A BIG, STINKY PILE ♪
- AND THEN THE DAY OF THE PAGEANT FINALLY ARRIVED.
- WELL, THE DAY OF THE PAGEANT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.
LOOK AT THESE LITTLE GIRLS ALL TARTED UP.
WHAT KIND OF SAD, NEEDY PERSON WOULD FORCE THEM TO DO THAT?
- DON'T FORGET. THIS IS MOMMY'S BIG DAY.
- THE BIGGER YOU SMILE, THE MORE BEAUTIFUL MOMMY LOOKS.
- BABY, IT'S TIME TO EARN MOMMY'S LOVE.
- I DON'T SEE MANDY.
- CRABINA WANTED TO DO HER HAIR AND MAKEUP.
AH! HERE THEY COME.
- WOW, MANDY!
YOU LOOK LOTS BETTER!
- GENTLEMEN, PREPARE FOR SHOCK AND AWE.
THE PLAIN, DRAB MANDY YOU KNEW BEFORE IS DEAD.
- GRIM, SHE MURDERED MANDY!
- IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH, DUMMY.
- SAY HELLO TO ENDSVILLE'S NEWEST GLAMOUR GIRL.
- OH, MY WORD!
- I FEEL RIDICULOUS.
- YOU ARE RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, I AGREE.
SHE'S A REAL LOOKER NOW, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, THAT
WAS SARCASM.
PUTTING MAKEUP ON YOU IS LIKE PUTTING DIAMONDS ON DOO-DOO.
GIVE IT UP, MANDY.
I WAS LITTLE MISS RICKETS LAST YEAR, LITTLE MISS TOE JAM
THE YEAR BEFORE, AND, GIRL, I'M GONNA BE LITTLE MISS
SCURVY THIS YEAR!
OH, AND HERE'S A LITTLE ADVICE.
PUT THE BAG BACK ON, PLEASE.
HA HA HA!
- YOU WANT ME TO TURN HER INTO A STINK BUG?
- NO, GRIM.
I WANT TO CRUSH HER ON MY OWN.
- ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
IT'S SHOW TIME!
- GOOD LUCK, MANDY.
- AND TRY TO SMILE.
- MANDY, I ONLY HAVE THESE WORDS TO OFFER.
YOU ARE A SPECIAL GIRL, AND WHAT YOU LACK IN GRACE, YOU
MAKE UP FOR IN FURY.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
OH, AND HERE'S SOME PETROLEUM JELLY.
A LITTLE RUBBED ON YOUR TEETH WILL HELP YOU SMILE.
YEAH. THAT'S BETTER.
[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]
- ♪ ONE GIRL
♪ TODAY, WE'LL CHOOSE A GIRL ♪
♪ ONE GIRL ABOVE ALL THE REST ♪
♪ ONE GIRL ♪ THE DAY BELONGS TO ONE GIRL ♪
♪ IT'S THE ONE GIRL ♪ WHO'LL PASS THE TEST
[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]
[PANTING]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MEET THE CONTESTANTS FOR
LITTLE MISS SCURVY.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CAMERAS FLASHING]
- WHOO!
YEAH, BABY!
WHOO, WHOO, WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!
- AND SAY HELLO TO OUR IMPARTIAL JUDGES...
GENERAL SCAR... [APPLAUSE]
CAP'N GREEN GUMS, AND MINDY'S MOM!
- HI, HONEY!
- HI, MOMMY!
- IMPARTIAL MY BIG, BONY...
- BUT BEFORE WE BEGIN, LET'S STOP AND THINK ABOUT
WHY WE'RE HERE.
- MY WIFE MADE ME COME!
[MICROPHONE SQUEALS]
- SCURVY IS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE DISEASE.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CAP'N GREEN GUMS?
- ARR! I USED TO HAVE A SET OF GUMS
WHAT MADE ALL THE TAVERN WENCHES SWOON.
THEN I GOT THE SCURVY!
THEY HAD TO REPLACE ME GUMS WITH... WITH KOSHER PICKLES!
AND I HATE PICKLES!
[SOBBING]
- STATISTICS SHOW THE NUMBER-ONE CAUSE OF SCURVY IS IGNORANCE!
PLEASE DO NOT BOIL YOUR FRUIT JUICES.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, PEOPLE.
[PBBBT]
AHH. NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, LET THE PAGEANT BEGIN!
- [SCREAMING]
- FIRST ROUND, EVENING GOWNS.
JULIE. - AW.
- LAURA. - OOH.
- EVA. - OHH!
- XENA. - OOH!
- ANNA. - AHH.
- RAE. - AHH!
- SUE. - OOH.
- MINDY. - AHH!
- MANDY. - OH, YEAH!
- AND NOW SWIMSUIT.
- BABY GOT BACK!
- NICE, EH?
- WESTERN WEAR.
- ARR! HER BOLDNESS BE SLOWLY WINNING ME HEART,
BUT HER COLDNESS KEEPS ME AT AN EMOTIONAL DISTANCE.
- SAMURAI ARMOR. - YAY!
- RENAISSANCE FAIR! - YAY!
- JERSEY MALL. - YAY!
- GOM JABBAR.
- IT BURNS!
- ARR! THAT WILL COST HER SOME POINTS.
- OUR LAST EVENT, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE,
THE TALENT COMPETITION.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
- OOH.
[CHOMP]
[CHEERING]
[RECORDS SCRATCHING]
- ARR! THIS ROUTINE BE TECHNICALLY SOUND,
BUT WHERE BE THE SOUL, THE PASSION?
- IT'S SO CLOSE.
ALL MANDY'S GOT TO DO IS SMILE.
- I'M GONNA VOMIT FROM THE TENSION, YO!
- [CHEERING]
- WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T LITTLE MISS RUNNER-UP.
HA HA HA!
AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, THAT WAS SARCASM.
NO, WAIT. IT WASN'T.
- YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- ♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW
♪ WAY UP HIGH
♪ THERE'S A LAND THAT I HEARD OF ♪
♪ ONCE IN A LULLABY
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW
♪ SKIES ARE BLUE
♪ AND THE DREAMS THAT YOU DARE TO DREAM ♪
♪ REALLY DO COME TRUE
♪ SOMEDAY I'll WISH UPON A STAR ♪
♪ AND WAKE UP WHERE THE CLOUDS ARE FAR BEHIND ME ♪
♪ WHERE TROUBLES MELT LIKE LEMON DROPS ♪
♪ OH, WAY ABOVE THE CHIMNEY TOPS ♪
♪ THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL FIND ME
♪ SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW
♪ BLUEBIRDS FLY
♪ BIRDS FLY OVER THE RAINBOW ♪
♪ WHY THEN, OH, WHY... ♪ CAN'T I?
[BIRD TWEETING]
♪ IF HAPPY, LITTLE BLUEBIRDS FLY ♪
♪ BEYOND THE RAINBOW
♪ WHY, OH, WHY CAN'T I?
[GRUNTS]
- ARR! SHE APPEARS TO BE MOVING A VESSEL OUT TO PORT.
HA HA!
- COME ON. COME ON.
- BRING IT. BRING IT.
- [GASP]
- YOU EVER GET THE FEELING SOMETHING REALLY BAD
IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN?
- [SCREAMING]
- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- WHAT HAVE WE DONE?
- YOU FOOLS!
YOU'VE MESSED WITH THE NATURAL ORDER!
- AAH!
- REALITY IS FALLING APART!
- WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO US?
- I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M GONNA HOLD YOU TIGHT
AND NEVER LET GO.
- I LOVE YOU, GRIM.
- WHAT ABOUT ME, YO?
- EH, YOU'LL BE FINE.
- AAH!
[TELEPHONE BEEPING]
- GIRLS, GIRLS, GET UP.
MOJO JOJO JUST SNUCK INTO A MOVIE THEATER WITHOUT PAYING.
- WE'RE ON IT, PROFESSOR.
- OK. WE KEEP FLYING. WE NEVER HEAD BACK.
WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN.
- YEP. - UH-HUH.
- AND SO ONCE AGAIN, THE DAY IS SAVED THANKS TO BILLY,
MANDY, AND GRIM.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE. www.ncicap.org...
- I CAN'T BREATHE, YO.
THIS BELT IS CINCHED TOO... TIGHT.
AHH.