Hey, Hulkies. We finally brought
the Leader to justice, restored our good names,
and settled into a well-deserved rest
in our Hulk quarters,
which maybe lasted five minutes.
(ALARM BLARING)
Now, we're speeding into Vista Verde
to answer a level alpha distress call.
RED HULK: This better be important.
We should be out rounding up creeps
from Abomination to Zzzax, under my command, of course.
Lucky for us, you're not calling the shots!
After all we've put Vista Verde through,
we're seeing to the needs of our town first.
(CRASH) (GLASS SHATTERS)
Abomination back in town?
Old Red's locked and loaded.
It's not Abomination. I have a bigger emergency.
Hulk, I need you to fill in for me as mayor
while I'm on vacation.
Me? I don't think so.
I'm not what you call a people person.
But you're a natural leader.
Kids love you.
Adults respect you.
Besides, when you accepted the key to the city,
subbing for me was in the fine print.
SHE-HULK: "Bearer of this key agrees to act as mayor when needed."
He's got you there.
See, you've got everything you need,
a crack legal counselor in She-Hulk,
an Internet savvy PR pro in A-Bomb,
and these two, um,
first-rate personal security assistants.
Assistant? Me?
That's the spirit!
Excelsior, Mayor Hulk! Stan out.
(DOOR CLOSING)
I'm a general, not a rent-a-cop.
HULK: You really want to be mayor?
Fine, you're mayor.
Oh, no.
I won't take your handouts,
and neither will Skaar.
Uh, Skaar not take what now?
We're sick of being treated like second stringers!
We're gonna start our own webcast!
And it'll be bigger than yours, Jones.
Oh, this I gotta see.
We won't be no whiney wannabe do-gooders, either.
We'll be bounty hunters!
Yeah, that's it!
Super villain bounty hunters!
Here's Red in your eye!
Jerk.
RED HULK: Wherever supervillains threaten puny humans,
these two hammering Hulks will be there to smash 'em!
Here's Red in your eye!
Skaar say catchphrase, too!
Throw it! Throw it, dummy! Throw it!
(LAUGHING) Oh, man!
Hulk, Jen, you guys... You guys gotta see this.
Pipe down, Rick.
Hulk's dealing with unhappy citizens.
Mmm.
MAN: It's like this, Mayor...
Uh, Hulk.
The police department's been getting complaints
of vehicles parked illegally around town.
No citizen is above the law, Sheriff.
If you say so.
You're giving me a ticket?
MAN: (IN DISTANCE) Take her away, boys.
(ENGINES REVVING)
SHE-HULK: Hey, that's ours.
Wait!
I'm starting to hate this job.
RED HULK: Welcome to Seeing Red.
First stop on our first mission,
the S.H.I.E.L.D. Tricarrier,
to get intel on the number one bounty on our hit list,
Emil Blonsky, aka the Abomination.
If anyone knows where Blonsky is,
it's his old pal the Leader,
who's locked up here.
Leader refused to talk
unless we gave him half the reward.
Yeah, right.
We countered by offering big brain
a book of crossword puzzles.
Never met a bored genius yet who could resist 'em.
Faster than you can say, "One across,"
Leader squealed.
Blonsky had fled back to his home in Russia,
which is how come you now find me and Skaar
sneaking smack into the middle of Siberia.
If Blonsky wanted to get lost,
he picked the perfect place.
Nothing noteworthy about this town.
Well, except for that.
(TANK APPROACHING)
Huh, and maybe that.
ABOMINATION: Halt, by order of the commissar!
Looks like a job for us. Come on!
(PANTING)
No, I did not mean to stray outside the town!
Please!
ABOMINATION: Punishment program initiating!
(GASPING)
Skaar slash! (GRUNTING)
Nice toss.
Come on, comrade!
(GROANING)
MAN: Thank you!
You're welcome, comrade.
What's with the clinker?
The commissar has drone tanks
programmed to keep us prisoners,
and to keep away curious intruders.
Oh, hey, hey. We're old pals of the commissar.
Right, Skaar? Ha, ha.
Uh, yeah, bad man good friend!
Where's he at?
Where he always is this time of day.
Exercising in the forest.
Commence evasive maneuvers training program.
End training program.
End program! What's wrong with this thing?
Here's your major malfunction, soldier!
(GRUNTING)
Skaar char!
How dare you Hulks attack me here, in my home village!
Yeah, a village you enslaved,
just like Vista Verde!
Emil Blonsky,
you are under arrest for crimes
way too numerous for me to list here!
Surrender or else!
(GRUNTING) As you wish.
(RED HULK SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
Monkey.
(MONKEY SHRIEKING) Don't just lie there.
Abomination's getting away!
Skaar saw monkey.
We'll both look like monkeys if we let Blonsky escape!
(SCREAMING)
Gamma gas! (CHOKING)
Oh yeah, baby! Look who's seeing Red now!
Look at Skaar say catchphrase again!
Baby.
You may have caught me,
but what makes you think you can keep me?
Because I'm on the other end
of these adamantium cuffs, Blonsky,
and in the middle, a mini gamma bomb
that'll take us both out if you do break free.
Hang on to the key, shaggy.
Don't lose it.
Skaar keep safe.
(KEY CLANGING) Yeah.
No, oh, you big dummy!
Mmm.
As for you, Blonsky,
S.H.I.E.L.D.'s gonna lock you up
and throw away the key for good!
Don't spend your millions too soon.
There is a huge price on my head,
and more than one bounty hunter
may be trying for the reward.
SKAAR: Uh, Red.
Why is monkey on wing?
Uh, Skaar, because you're a grade A lunkhead
who imagines things.
Monkeys on the wings. Sheesh!
Red? Don't say there's another monkey on the wing!
Uh, no. Two monkeys and one gorilla.
What? Oh, no.
(APES SHRIEKING)
RED HULK: It's the Super Apes.
Miklho, the gorilla, is almost as strong as Hulk.
(MIKLHO ROARING)
The orangutan's name is Peotor.
He's like a dad-blasted electromagnet!
And watch out for Igor!
He can turn himself into any weapon
his baboon brain can imagine!
Stop, apes!
(GROANS)
See what I told ya?
We gotta shake 'em fast!
If they tear into this pressurized ship...
Ugh! Too late!
We're going down!
Monkeys attacking!
No! Bad monkeys! Bad!
I told you, those aren't monkeys.
They're the Super Apes!
They take orders from that other Russian supervillain...
The Red Ghost.
Your jet is already crippled, Red Hulk.
If you do not surrender the Abomination,
my pets will destroy it completely.
I told you I was popular.
I'll be dad-blasted if I hand you over
to that ape-lovin' creep!
Very well.
Peotor, Igor, Miklho, wreck it!
(APES GRUNTING AND SHRIEKING)
Why monkey so strong?
Exposure to cosmic rays.
Their powers could take out the Fantastic Four!
Aren't you forgetting something, General Ross?
Come on, Blonsky! Give me a hand!
Those monks are bringing down the ship.
I'm sure I could survive a fall from this height.
As for you and your friend,
I suppose we'll see.
Uh-oh!
Take your stinkin' paws off that, ya danged, dirty ape!
RED HULK: Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
Red?
RED HULK: Over here.
I lucked out and landed on Blonsky's head.
Huh! That'll keep him quiet.
We gotta get lizard lips here to cover.
Can't risk Red Ghost or his apes finding...
Too late!
(GROANING) (GROANING)
(SHRIEKING)
SKAAR: Skaar hate monkeys.
Uh-oh.
RED HULK: Heads up, monkey butts!
Ha! You're good for something after all, Blonsky.
A club!
(RED HULK SCREAMING)
(AIRCRAFT APPROACHING)
Ah, my pets.
Where is the Abomination?
(GROANING)
Skaar smash bald man!
Perhaps, the wild man knows. Bring him.
(GROANING)
Your monkey hit Skaar so Skaar hit you.
(GROANING)
RED HULK: Move it, tag along! We got apes to smash.
(GROANING)
Nyet. Come on.
Even at full strength I would not confront
Ivan Kragoff and his beasts.
Better to retreat and prepare a surprise attack.
(GROANING)
I hate you even more when you make sense,
but if they hurt Skaar, I'm charging,
and dragging you with me.
RED GHOST: You sense something, Igor?
Ah, it seems our bounty hunters
have cameras to broadcast their exploits.
Leave them, Igor.
It amuses me to record our victory.
(STRUGGLING)
Let Skaar go, monkey man!
Interesting.
This savage is no more advanced
than you, my beauties.
Shiny tickle Skaar's brain.
See how easy he falls to my mind control.
You will help me get the Abomination
away from Red Hulk.
Can't. Skaar swallowed key.
How unfortunate for you.
Argh! He must be an alien!
I cannot phase through him!
Shake it out.
(GROWLING)
Hulk! Jen!
We've got another problem,
of the monkey variety.
(SIGHS) I really hate this job.
(SKAAR GASPING)
Enough! I have a machine in my lab that can remedy this.
Bring him.
Seriously?
This is your idea of preparing a surprise attack?
Don't like it? Get off and walk.
This will weaken the savage enough for us to get the key.
Peotor, here.
That doesn't look good.
Soon we will have all the gamma power we need.
RED HULK: Oh, criminy, I think they're gonna
drill right into Skaar's belly.
Hmm.
Let's get the savage and go.
(SKAAR YELLS)
Stop them!
RED HULK: Upsy-daisy, Skaar!
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
Enough of this!
Only one way to get the key.
(PASSES GAS)
Here is where we part company.
RED GHOST: Not yet, my friend.
(GROANS)
Why are you doing this to him?
To drain his gamma energy.
Just as I was going to do to Skaar,
and just as I intend to do to you,
once I've finished the Abomination.
You're not going to de-gamma any Hulks while I'm around!
It's already done, comrade.
(ELECTRICAL WHIRRING)
Wakey-wakey, Skaar!
Ghost didn't steal Blonsky for the reward,
he stole him for his gamma power!
(APES ROARING)
You're not gonna believe where he put it.
Stop, monkeys!
(SKAAR HOOTS LIKE APE)
We talk same talk. Skaar is brother.
Friends? (APE ROARING)
That dummy. You got any fight left in ya, Blonsky?
Most of my strength is gone.
But we might have a chance,
if we could get the Ghost's weapons.
So let's make monkeys of ourselves.
Jump!
Skaar smash bad monkeys!
Oh, hello, pretty monkey.
(PUNCHING)
(GROANS)
Oh...
(BOTH GROANING)
Fools, you cannot stop the inevitable!
Once you have been sapped of your power,
my Abomin-Apes will have an endless source of gamma energy.
I will create more super primates,
and through them, I will rule the world.
(CRASHING)
HULK: If I got a banana for every time I heard that.
Then we'll just cut their power!
RED GHOST: Hulk! You, here?
Yeah, we followed the homing signals in Red's cameras.
It's a good thing we did, 'cause these smashers
are up to their armpits in super monkeys.
What's the matter, Mr. Mayor?
Got tired of running your town?
Not as tired as I got listening to A-Bomb laughing at your mistakes.
You ready to admit your temper tantrum
got you in over your head?
Are you kiddin'?
I captured Abomination.
Now I'm about to take down these clowns.
Ow! 'Course, if you wanna help,
don't let me stop ya.
(ROARING)
HULK: Hey, buttercup.
High five!
Impudent whelp.
You don't stand a chance against me.
Cool! I can do that, too.
Where is he? Right here, spooky!
(RED GHOST SCREAMS)
Now, how do we strip these primates of their stolen power?
We're gonna smash it out of 'em!
(APES GRUNTING)
Don't expect me to help your comrades.
Oh, I got bigger plans for you.
(GRUNTS)
(EXPLOSIONS)
(MACHINE SWITCHED ON) ABOMINATION: You triggered the...
Yes, yes I did!
Hulks! Jump clear!
(SCREAMING)
Here Skaar in your eye!
Yeah! Skaar get better catchphrase.
Woo-hoo!
Abomination, the Red Ghost and his Super Apes!
Ho-ho! Fury's gonna sprain his check-signing hand
writing all those zeroes.
Any reward you and Skaar get goes toward
rebuilding the Vista Verde City Hall.
What?
Mayor's orders.
No point in being bounty hunters
if we have to give away the rewards!
We join Smashers again?
Eh, I guess.
There's one thing I gotta do first, though.
Ah!
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
Thought you'd all like to know your ex-commissar is headed
for S.H.I.E.L.D.'s maximum lock-up.
You're welcome.
We knew you would liberate us.
That is why we had this made,
to honor you.
Whoa!
That's better than any reward!
I got the perfect place for it!
RED HULK: This was a little token of esteem given to me
by the grateful Russian people.
And now, I'm sharing it with all of you.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) (GASPS)
Gee, Red, I don't know how to feel about this.
(DEVIL DINOSAUR CHOMPS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
But I guess that about sums it up.
Oh, no! Bad Devil!
Going solo was harder than Red thought.
There's a lot to be said for teamwork,
whether you're running a town,
or dealing with bad guys.
Glue! Glue! I need glue!
Who's got the dad-blasted Hulk-strength gamma glue?
Or patching up life's little accidents.
Don't lose your head, Red!
Hulk out.